An 80's Moment

I have been having such an 80's moment. Don't ask me why I really don't know. It has been all about Debarge for the past three days. I have been listening to the song "Love me in a special way" I am totally in love with that song and with El, James and Chico Debarge. Wow that song with some of my mom's peach cobbler and the right person would make for one hell of a night.

I think this whole 80's thing has got me falling in love with Debarge all over again. I saw the documentary Unsung on TV One and my heart totally breaks for them and what they endured growing up. This song has on some level made me miss my FRIEND but hey I'll get past it. I will use this song to just reflect on the good memories we share and press on. I am going to try and add this song on to the blog so hopefully it will work. I love the entire song but the following are my favorite verses from the song. Hope you enjoy this Debarge song as much as I do and think about that special someone as you listen to "love me in a special way" Besos! xoxo

"You knew you had me with your sensuous charm yet you looked so
alarmed as I walked on by an awesome wonder you had to know why I did not
respond to carry on Chorus:Love me in a special way what more can I say? Love me
now (Repeat) love me now' cause I'm special not the average kind who'll accept any line That sounds good"

Rebel Princess

50 feet...A New Day and A New Me!

I haven't blogged for a while. I decided to take time out for me. Although I had an AWESOME time in Atlantic City with my special friend. I have decided to give him 50 feet. Don't get me wrong I still very much love him and miss talking as much as we did. But I thought it best to remove myself from the situation, He had things in his life he needed to address and deal with, without me complicating the situation. Situations and circumstances doesn't allow us to be together like we once were nine years ago, but one thing I believe we will always have is an unbreakable friendship. What people need to realize outside of us being lovers-BF/GF at one time, more importantly we were friends. Although physically we are apart, I truly believe emotionally and mentally we will be forever connected.

On a Good note since I have given him 50 feet I have gone back to college. I am a full time student with a 4.0 GPA praise God. I made the dean's list last semester and hoping to make the list this semester. I am studying to become a OTA/L(Licensed Occupational Therapist Assistant)I hope within the next 4 years to have My Master's Degree in Occupational Therapy. It feels so great to have a place to come to and get my thoughts and feelings out and the great thing is..its totally free. I'm am sooo excited about 2009. Hey the way I see it New year, New me. I'll keep you posted on my progress in school and my relationship with my friend. Please keep me in your prayers. WoW what time and 50 feet will get you. Thanks! Besos xoxo

Total Bliss....

American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
bliss (blĭs) Pronunciation Key n.
Extreme happiness; ecstasy.





That is how I would describe the Last two days. I had the pleasure of spending an AWESOME get away with someone I am totally head over hills for. I have often imagined how It would feel to be in their arms again, after nine long years. The days and months leading up to our reunion I was a bucket of nerves, I did'nt know what to expect since so much time had pass. The day finally arrived I would see the man whom I never stopped loving to hopefully create new memories. The moment I laid eyes on him he looked just as I remembered Tall Dark and Handsome. As We headed to were we would spend the next few days, all that kept running through my mind were very naughty things. After we got settled in we stood facing each other and an old song "Four Seasons of Loneliness"Boys II Men was playing and he took me in his arms and gave me a hug that went the length of the song. As we embraced I melted in his arms like butter. His scent was intoxicating. In that moment I felt safe and loved all in one.



That first peak: I got to see his body for the first time in nine years and let me tell you BEAUTIFUL, I totally became aroused and wanted him sooo bad in that moment but the timing had to be perfect. So for now I just waited and enjoyed the view. So we spent the next few hours secretly wanting to devour the other, but waiting for that perfect moment.



The Moment Arrived(A Night Of Pure Ecstacy): As we laid next to each other watching TV he turned to me and kissed me. That was the moment the dam of every emotion and feeling we had one for the other was released. In that moment I wanted and needed him like one needs water. That night our souls and bodies truely became one. I feel even more closer and connected to him now then ever before. He truely knows ME and how to please me without my having to say anything. He and I are a perfect fit Literally. In that moment I had no thought or care of what was going on out side of 633 all that was important was what was going on inside.



I could go on and on but some of what happened that night and the nights that followed are my private memories that I pull out when ever my daily reality becomes too stressful. That is a moment in time I will remember forever and a love I won't soon forget. Here is to creating more memories........Here I will remain in my permant state of Bliss

Torn

My heart and my head are torn... I am in love with someone that I know in my head I should'nt be, but in my heart it just feels soo right. This is a real struggle for me. I am trying so hard to pull away and move on but my love and intense desire for this person proves to be too overwhelming. Sometimes I feel guilty for loving them. I have never felt this way about anyone. I will go a day sometimes even two without talking to them on the phone or texting and just when I think I may finally be able to move on They call me or text me and I am right back on the emotional rollercoaster again.

To be honest I don't trust myself to be alone with them. As much as I may want to fight it, i know I will give in to my extreme desire for them and take a journey to the point of no return. My only fear with that is connecting on that level will cause me to fall deeper and harder then I already have. I fear I may end up wanting more then what they are able to offer right now. So with that being said what do I do? Do I throw caution to the wind and what ever will be will be? or do I walk away broken hoping that one day my love for this person will fade like a sunset. So here I sit in emotional limbo......

Besos,
Sexii Mami

Just needed to Exhale

I've been a little concerned....well ALOT concern about a friend who is near and dear to my heart. My friend experienced two deaths within the last week and half. When my friend first told me my heart literally broke into tiny pieces. You see when you truely care deeply about someone, when they hurt, you hurt. They "say" their ok, I want to believe it but.....I don't know. You see my friend is a little on the macho side which is one of the qualities I love about them. I have done all I can do from where I sit and as their friend, although I would Love and wish I could do more. I guess all I can do is to continue to encourage, and love them unconditionally. I have decided to pull back an allow them their space to grieve, but its just sooo darn hard because this person has truely stolen my heart.


The fact that my friend has stolen my heart scares me more than I can even express. All I can do is hope and pray that they guard my heart and promise never to intentionally break it. I know I must sound like i'm rambling, and I guess thats because my thoughts are all over the place and I am just basically bloggling as sort of a sounding board. Am I crazy??


Sexii Mami

Nostalgic

nos·tal·gi·a (n,,-st,,l'j?, n?-) Pronunciation Key n. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past




I got into contact with someone I really care about, we dated about 9 years ago. Ever have that someone who you had a connection with so deep and on so many levels? Well that is the case here. When we spoke after so long It was almost like the last 9 years never existed. The connection is still their.It is soo wierd because when we speak my heart starts beating fast and I feel heat literally flow from the crown of my head to my feet. If i'm hungry suddenly my hunger gets replaced with such a rush of excitment sorta like when you meet someone you like for the first time. I can't begin to predict the furture, all I know is now that we have made contact I want him in my life forever in what ever capacity is ment to be.





Besos,

sexii Mami